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Wednesday ‘pick me up’

Do you ever find yourself wallowing in self pity?

Playing that game of, ‘Life’s so unfair. They have it so good.’

*Constantly worrying about money*

*Constantly worrying in general*

— Insert more self loathing here —

I found myself doing this after a very stressful morning. To be honest, I could probably continue to mope around and feel this way for the remainder of the day. My anxiety can create an encyclopedia of things to feel terrible about. My anxiety is fueled by negativity, that’s just the reality of it.

Then I stopped and I thought to myself; OK, it could ALWAYS be worse. Put this shit in to perspective and be realistic Hannah.

The lady on the street with the beautiful vehicle, and the money in her pocket is going through her own battle at home with a husband who treats her poorly.

The man with the bad attitude and unnecessary dirty look on his face is dealing with a 10 year anniversary of the death of his wife, and is just trying to make it through the day.

The individual on social media who seems to always be travelling and living a very fulfilling life hasn’t seen their family in over 2 years, and just wishes to be home.

You can not determine somebody’s emotions/thoughts, or categorize said individual just because they seem to have it all put together. Because let me tell you, not one person has it ALL figured out.

Shocking right? Contrary to what we try to convince ourselves of.

That voice inside your head that makes you feel like you are not where you need to be, you are not as successful as you should be, you’ve made the wrong decisions and the money in your bank account shows that… that voice is NOT a voice of reason. That voice is one that you have to learn to tune out. Because you are in fact successful, and you ARE enough.

No amount of money or success can demonstrate that for you. SAY IT WITH ME PEOPLE! The outlook you have on life and the outlook you have on the person you are today… THAT is what shows you your success. Your self worth. THAT is EVERYTHING.

Your social status… that will never bring you the amount of happiness you think you need. But you know what WILL bring you happiness? Self love and inner happiness.

The reality of it is that we are all facing some sort of hardship at this moment in time.
Worrying about not being good enough? Join the club. We always want to be one step further then where we already are. But if we just take a step back and see how far we’ve come!

A year ago today I was hoping for the life that I have right now. Maybe not every aspect of it.. I probably could go without the hard days I’ve faced. But without the BAD days we would not know what a GOOD day feels like. We would not feel gratitude towards the happy moments, without the sad. I would not have the gratitude I feel in my heart for the positive things I have endured, if it were not for the negative things as well. That’s just life.

I hoped and I prayed for the love that I have received from my friends and family.

I hoped and I prayed for the friendships I’ve created after moving to a new city.

I hoped and I prayed for the love in my heart that I feel for MYSELF, my surroundings, and the people I’m surrounded with.

I may not have hoped to become sick and have to go through so many doctors appointments day after day, or for the nights I’ve cried myself to sleep because of the emotional turmoil I have created within myself.

But every time I experience emotions such as this or experience a day like today,  it opens my eyes and allows me to recenter myself.

You do not have to believe in a god, you can believe in anything you want. But use that belief to better yourself. Use that belief to create as much positivity as humanly possible!

That man you saw on the street with the sour facial expressions? Walk up to him and wish him a good day. Or if you would rather keep to yourself, think to yourself the well wishes you WISH to give him.

I went to the library the other day and was in my own world walking up the stairs. I had a lot on my mind and it was probably written all over my face. I’m not one to hide my emotions, I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve. The stress I was feeling, the emotions that were running through my head.. I was focused on the negative. As I was walking up the stairs a lady going in the opposite direction saw me and stopped, and wished me a great day with a genuine grin on her face. She had no idea the feelings I was experiencing, or the chronic fatigue I was feeling after walking to the library. She wished me a great day anyway, and I carried that positivity with me for the remainder of the day. Those few words brought me back down to earth.

She was probably facing her own personal issues, maybe she just received wonderful news after a very hard few months. I have no idea.

What I do know is that she said these few simple words to me and it completely changed my mood. A complete stranger had this affect on me.

We are all doing our very best to make it one day at a time.

Which brings me to my next point.

I hear so many people talk about how they can not understand why so many young people experience so much anxiety and stress now a days. “Well when I was YOUR age, we weren’t all fussed and tangled up the way everyone is now.” And I get it, as an older generation looking down at the younger generation it may be confusing.

But back then there was no such thing as social media, or this competition to be bigger and better then everyone else. I do not believe that social media is the MAIN issue, but I do think it plays a HUGE role. We are constantly scrolling aimlessly through posts and things that others are putting out there for everyone to see. But do you think I’m going to post a picture of me crying my eyes out because I’m having a bad day? NO! I’m going to post the one selfie out of 300 that makes my face look the smallest. That’s just the damn truth!

The only competition that was experienced ‘back then’ was the one within yourself. You wanted to work that job the best to your abilities, be the best mom/dad or individual you could be. Work hard so you could play harder. You wanted to be better within yourself more than anything, because that competition with other people basically didn’t exist, for the most part.

The generation that I have been brought up in experience so much pressure from society to be bigger and better then ever! If we just do this ONE thing, our lives will be fulfilled. If we just work this CERTAIN job, we can go on to this NEXT one, that is SO much better. We need to be in this financial stand point by the age of 25, or make this said amount of $$ to be truly successful.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

What a bunch of horse shit. Seriously.

The pressure we put on ourselves is truly absurd. It baffles me.

And what baffles me even more, is that I know this internally but I still continue to put this pressure on even MYSELF daily. We all do.

Yeah it would be fantastic if we could make every family member proud. It would be the dream to know somebody is looking up to us because they want to be where we are in life!

But what does that even matter? At the end of the day, the approval you’ve received from these people to be ‘bigger and better than ever’, is not the approval you have to deal with within yourself. You are not going to lay down at night and think, “Jeez, I’m so happy Sally was proud of the work I did today. It’s so much better receiving this approval from somebody else then the approval within myself.”

The only approval you need is the one you are gaining from yourself. That’s it! The end.

So what,

You don’t make $32 dollars an hour

Maybe you’re not unionized

Maybe you do not have a pension plan

HELL, maybe you have to work multiple weekends to make ends meet!

Are you happy? Are you fulfilled? Those are the two questions you need answers to.

NOT

Will this make my parents proud? Am I where everybody else is? Am I within the social standards?

When you go to bed at night and feel that sense of fulfillment, it shouldn’t be because you are doing better then somebody else, or have reached a milestone greater then the lady who sits next to you at work.

It should be because of the success you have reached from working your ass off. It doesn’t matter if you’re the kind lady at Tim Horton’s who makes the best damn coffee in the world, or if you’re the CEO in that massive building Uptown Saint John. The gratitude within your heart, and the gratitude you are offering to the world is what WILL matter.

I won’t remember that lady on the TV who has created a successful company for herself but has the most sadden facial expressions I have ever seen.

But I can promise you I will remember the lady with the beautiful smile who wished me a great day when I was clearly having a bad one!

Take a moment and recenter yourself.

Write down 3 things you’re thankful for.

Not 3 objects, or 3 people.

Write down 3 things you’re thankful for that have to do with YOURSELF.

You’re positivity

Or maybe you’re thankful for the terrible morning you experienced with your kids today because it taught you some sort of lesson.

I don’t know. At the end of the day I can only speak for myself. And that goes for you, whoever you are that may be reading this right now.

Work hard at whatever it is you do.

Make an impression on yourself and be proud of who YOU are!

You have come so far, too far to sit there and be upset because of that missed payment or the dirty clothes pile that never ends.

You are doing a damn good job, keep it up.

xo

 

 

 

 

 

1 Comment

  1. Tanya
    September 12, 2018 / 3:50 pm

    Very well written!

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